I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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