im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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