ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
