I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
