I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
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you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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