I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
