so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
