I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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