you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
