"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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