You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
