there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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