So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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