im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
