I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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