I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
