You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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