One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
