Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
