Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
