I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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