is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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