so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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