shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
