dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
