I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
