Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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