I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
