Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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