You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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