we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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