we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
