So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
