i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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