How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
is it fun? or sober?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
