He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
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Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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