I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
