Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
