If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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