he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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