I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
