I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
