I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
