What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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