wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
