I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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