Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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