Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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