also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
