Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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