How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
