There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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