Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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