Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
