No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
