i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We were destined to go to rehab together
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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