I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
