It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
