day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
