She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i've created a new STD.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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