Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
