is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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