so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
