the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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