I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
